if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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