Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
