Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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