Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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