Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
