So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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