: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
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