I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize