My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
