I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
