If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
