I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
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I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You're like the curious george of whores
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
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If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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