JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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