Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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