While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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