And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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