just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
