Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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