I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
