you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I am naked and annoyed.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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