nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
there was a trapeze. enough said
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
