how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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