why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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