remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
