All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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