The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
