she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
