if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
