i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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