Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
