Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
