my vag is so smooth its legendary
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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