P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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