too bad you live with your parents still
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
