i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize