Kareoke will never be a sober sport
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
