why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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