did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
