I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
