You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
