so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize