Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
