Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We have started to decorate penises.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
