dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
