Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
