put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
