Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
