Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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