But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
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Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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