He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
