Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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