He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
