I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
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