i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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