oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
