Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize