omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
