Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
