He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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