***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
