you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
