i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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