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Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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