That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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