Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
sarcasm needs its own font
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
