I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
