Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
