Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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