i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
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New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize