In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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