Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
