you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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