I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
